


The Opposite of Fine

by FollowerofMercy



Series: Obsessed with SU and Writing to Deal with the Wait [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), steven universe future - Fandom
Genre: Comfort, Crying, Gen, Greg POV, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Mild Language, POV Third Person Limited, Parental Fear, Parental Love, Steven talks about his problems, as in Damn, good parent, mostly comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22161262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollowerofMercy/pseuds/FollowerofMercy
Summary: Greg realizes something's off about his son and invites him over to dinner to talk. Bonding and feelings ensue after some difficulties.Canon-compliant as of the Prickly Pair episode.
Relationships: Greg Universe & Steven Universe
Series: Obsessed with SU and Writing to Deal with the Wait [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595188
Comments: 56
Kudos: 222





	The Opposite of Fine

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by but not affiliated with [Remember When?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22125025/comments/272789926) by LoonyLupin.

Greg sat in his van and fiddled with the scattered toys that reminded him so much of his son, his thoughts wandering to follow. He had seen more of Steven in the last week than he had in months.

Of course, Greg never blamed him for his absence. He remembered himself at that age, how important it was to have the space to grow and flourish. He just assumed everything was going well, that Steven was a wonderfully mature, busy young adult. Even at fourteen Steven left his old man out of the loop, not of any malice or hidden issues, just from lack of time. On the rare occasions he saw his son out and about, everything seemed fine.

Steven never told him that he quit Little Homeschool.

Lately the boy wandered around the beach. He often stared out over the ocean, sometimes throwing scraps to the seagulls. Given more time to observe, Greg noticed the cracks in Steven’s happy façade.

He took up gardening, apparently. Greg thought he could place when it happened. Steven began moving with a little light in his step again. He would stoop to pick up shells on the beach, or pause to appreciate a pretty cloud. Steven things. He kept to himself more but looked less tired, more like his old self.

Greg worried, obviously. Steven was the light of his life. He just figured even the brightest lights needed a little time to recharge, especially ones as bright as Steven. He hadn’t considered going and checking on him.

His excuses felt hollow, especially seeing the exhausted teenager sitting cross-legged in his van for the first time in months.

They were having dinner together. Greg had found Steven sleeping in his car at a secluded part of the beach and convinced him to visit for a bit. After the Gems told him about Steven’s new diet, Greg went out to get the best mac ‘n cheese money could buy. He even sprinkled breadcrumbs on top.

He watched Steven eat at a constant pace. Six chews for each bite, a short pause, the next dour forkfull of what should’ve been liquid joy. The TV blared some inane commercial while they sat together, silent save for the scrape of plastic silverware.

Greg couldn’t handle the quiet anymore. “So, Schtu-ball, how was your camping trip?”

“Hm?” Steven glanced up from his food, fork sticking out of his mouth.

Greg rubbed the back of his head. “Ya know, sleeping in your car?”

Steven swallowed and gave him a bright smile, one that failed to banish the shadow that passed over his face. “Oh, I was just trying something new. I figured I should carry on the family tradition, right?”

He snapped some fingerguns at his dad before dutifully picking up his food once more.

Greg remembered peering in the window, seeing his son so twisted in his sheets that he worried he had strangled himself. His face had been drawn in a pained grimace, his breathing shallow and quick. “Yeah… right.”

They returned to uncomfortable silence. Greg pretended to watch the TV, sneaking glances at his son. Steven stared straight ahead, the pictures reflected in his glassy eyes. His clothes were wrinkled.

Greg frowned at that. A few years ago a _neat_ shirt would’ve been cause for alarm, a clear sign that something horrible happened to the previous one. That dirty little boy wasn’t Greg’s adult son, though. Steven hadn’t had so much of a hair out of place since he took on the responsibilities of a Diamond.

Greg self-consciously put a few scraps of trash away. “So, I’ve noticed you’ve really been keeping up on yourself.”

Steven raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah! I mean look at’cha, shaving, doing your own laundry, buying your own clothes. I’m real proud of you.”

Steven snorted. “I’m sixteen.”

“Don’t just brush off the compliment, kiddo. You’re a little young to be all grown up.” Greg hid his confusion behind a smile and gauged whether he could get away with a hair tousle. Steven’s hunched posture said no. “…Getting ahead of the curve and all that.”

“Yeah, growing up. It’s fun,” Steven said, utterly unenthused.

Greg let him return to his macaroni, his own appetite gone. What happened to his starry-eyed kid? He could’ve said “at least you don’t stink” and little Steven would’ve pounced on the compliment like a seagull on popcorn.

…Not that that kind of desperation for praise didn’t concern him, too, but that wasn’t a kid trait he expected his son to grow out of. That was just _Steven._ He was a people pleaser.

He wasn’t going to get anywhere hedging around the question. Greg put his bowl the side and sat upright.

“Hey, are you doing ok?”

“Yeah, of course.” Steven turned to him and put some animation back into his voice. The TV light washed out his complexion, highlighting the strained lines at the corners of his eyes.

“Are you sure…?”

“Absolutely.” Steven turned away from him and took another bite. “’S really good macaroni. Thanks, Dad.”

Greg picked at a rip in his jeans, staring at his lap. “…Because the Gems told me some stuff.”

Greg flinched when Steven slammed his bowl down, not hard enough to spill but enough to make noise. “No, look, I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“’I don’t want to talk about it’ means the opposite of fine, Steven!”

“Would you just get off my back?!” Steven took a hissing breath and sighed. Greg barely heard what he muttered next. “You’re as bad as Pearl sometimes.”

“Steven-”

“No, no. I’m sorry but I can’t do this right now.” Steven pushed his half-finished macaroni aside and made to get out of the van. “I’m going.”

“Steven, when _can_ you do this?”

“I’ll talk to you later, Dad,” Steven said with a flippant voice and tense shoulders.

At a loss for what else to do, panic clutching at his heart, Greg closed his eyes and clambered out of the van.

“Steven!”

Steven kept walking.

“STEVEN QUARTZ UNIVERSE, LISTEN TO ME!” Out of other emotions to reach out with, Greg’s voice rang with anger and frustration. Steven froze, shoulders up to his ears.

Greg had never, ever yelled at him before.

Frankly, he was terrified of what would happen next. The young Steven would’ve started crying. Lately, though…

Greg scrambled all the way out of the van and stopped short a few feet from his son, hand outstretched and voice soft.

“Steven, I’m sorry. Just… please come back.”

After a tense moment, Steven turned, ever so slightly. Trembling slightly.

“I’m worried about you.”

That was not the right thing to say.

Steven whipped around, a vibrant blush on his cheeks, fists balled at his sides. Greg barely defeated the urge to retreat as his son, the half-gem that fought monsters and leveled buildings, advanced, shouting.

“DON’T PUT THAT ON ME! Look, I CANNOT HANDLE tiptoeing around anyone else! Just, just let me deal with this, okay?!” He groaned and pulled at his hair. “There is so much I can’t and I _won’t_ tell you because it’s just too much!”

The fire went out of his eyes and he bit his lip, blinking back tears. Steven shrunk on himself and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“I’m, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled I just…” Steven looked up, visibly choking down a dozen other things. “I’m fine, Dad. I’m fine. Please believe me.”

Greg stood with his arms open as his son withdrew into himself, quietly saying thanks that Steven’s rage had dissipated so quickly. “Steven, you know I can’t.”

“I’m _fine,_ Dad. I’m fine, I’m-” Steven covered his face with his hands, repeating himself over and over. Greg ran to his side and put his hands on his shaking shoulders.

“Steven, you’re scaring me.”

Steven pushed him back, wide-eyed. “No! No, I’ve got my powers under control now! I won’t hurt anyone! I promise I’d never hurt you!”

Greg gave him a little shake. “That’s not at all what I’m scared about!” It was only a partial lie. “I’m scared that I’m going to lose _you_!”

Steven stilled, quiet. “What?”

Greg released him. “Gosh, Steven, I… can we just talk? Please? No more yelling?”

Steven nodded.

“Schtu-ball… there is a lot that I never told _you,_ either. You were my kid. My wonderful, incredible, sweet kid.” Greg tousled his hair. Steven grimaced at the compliments. “I never told you how much it killed me to let the Gems take you, to watch you go off to fight monsters and… Homeworld.” Greg blanched and continued without looking at Steven. “But I’m your dad. It’s my job to protect _you_ , not the other way around.”

Steven gave him a pitying look. Greg sighed.

“I know, I know that’s not how things are all the time. I know you’re the one that had to… to go off and fight. I wanted to protect you then, but I couldn’t.”

“It’s ok.”

“Please let me finish,” he sighed, running a thumb over Steven’s cheek. Steven pressed his face into it.

“This, though. This emotional stuff? I can be here for this.”

Steven looked away. Greg squeezed his shoulders a little tighter. “Son, I am so, so sorry you had to grow up like this.”

He bent to get on eye level, something he’d never insult his son by doing in a normal situation. “Please, please let me be your dad. If you won’t do it for yourself then do it for me. I can’t lose you. I can’t let you lose yourself.”

He waited while Steven chewed on his lip.

“I think there’s something wrong with me,” Steven whispered, so quiet that the distant cry of seagulls nearly drowned it out.

Relief flooded through every fiber of Greg’s being. Now Steven was crying. Now he was reachable.

Greg stood, hugged his son and then gently led him back to the van. They sat together on the back, Steven tucked into Greg’s chest, rocking softly.

“Why do you think that?”

“I’ve been really angry.”

“You have a lot to be angry about,” Greg crooned. He rested his chin on Steven’s head, careful to avoid a mouthful of curly hair. Steven just grunted.

“I accidentally brought a cactus to life. I… told it stuff. I was just trying to get some stuff off my chest, but I hurt it. I hurt it, and I hurt Pearl and Garnet and Amethyst, and I hurt Volleyball and…“ Steven trailed off.

“Who’s Volleyball?”

“The Pearl with the broken eye. She… she told me how she-” Steven started crying in earnest. “I’m so sorry and I don’t know how to make it better.”

“What happened?”

Steven took a shuddering breath. “She told me that mom broke her eye.”

Greg felt his stomach lurch. He hugged Steven a little tighter. “Ah geez…” _Dammit Rose._

Steven shook his head, steadily amping up into hysterics. “No, that was bad but we were going to fix it. Instead I just, I freaked out when she told me and I… I _screamed,_ and I broke the floor, and that’s exactly how mom broke her eye and oh my God _I’m just like her_. The Diamonds were right and-”

“Woah hey, hey hey hey,” Greg shifted to look Steven in the eye. “You are not Rose. You’re _you_.”

“What does that even mean?!” Steven cried. “That’s not good enough!”

Greg had to strain to hear what came next.

“And I just,” he hiccupped, “I don’t know why I’m here anymore. I don’t know what the point is.”

“Steven, don’t you like yourself?”

Saw a hundred lies start and die on Steven’s lips before he turned and buried his face into Greg’s chest.

“Why should I?” he whispered.

Greg took a breath to steady himself, shutting out the screaming in his head. “Oh, Steven…”

He fought the urge to smother his son with affirmation and praise, instead waiting to see what else he had to say. He had told Steven how proud he was his entire life and it clearly wasn’t enough to break through whatever this funk was. 

Steven went limp against his father’s side and his voice dropped into a hollow monotone. 

“I thought helping people was the point of my existence, to help the Gems and stuff, but really I’m supposed to grow and change. That’s why you and Mom had me, right?”

“What? No, there was no _reason_ we had you! We didn’t make a baby to fulfill some magical destiny or anything.”

Greg rubbed small circles in Steven’s back. “No, we had you because we loved you. We wanted you to be happy and healthy. We had you so you’d have the opportunity to be, well, you!”

Steven didn’t seem convinced. Greg sighed, hoping the truth would reach him.

“And, well… maybe that’s looking at things through rose-colored glasses.” Greg winced. Bad analogy. “Steven. We had you because we selfishly wanted a kid. That’s it. That’s the entire reason.”

“Yeah, but to do what?”

“Love.” Greg pulled back and wiped a tear from Steven’s cheek. “This. Take care of you. Be there for you. Watch you grow up.”

Steven drew his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them.

“Steven, I am so proud of you. I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but your mother would be so proud of you, too. And you know what?”

“Mm?”

“We’d be proud and love you no matter what. We’d be proud of you if never did any of this Gem stuff. We love _you_ , not the stuff you do.”

Steven hiccupped and hid his face. Greg hugged his shoulders.

“So… the bar is a lot lower than you’re making it, Schtu-ball. Please try to love yourself. You have more than enough reason to.”

Greg held his son while he cried, finally murmuring all his fears and pain and insecurity. Each reveal pricked Greg’s heart, but the pain was nothing in comparison to the comfort of knowing his son had finally opened up. Steven didn’t know it now, but he would be ok. It would take time. He’d take one step back for every two forward, but he would make it.

Greg had faith in him.

**Author's Note:**

> As a not-so-quick aside note, I want to give a shoutout to my mom for helping with this chapter. (I'm a grown woman we just have a good relationship lol)  
> We were talking about Steven's headspace and, while she hasn't seen SUF yet, her insight was good enough that I'm just gonna copy and paste the notes I took while we were talking. 
> 
> Mom wisdom: sometimes children that are gifted feel more of a responsibility to – it’s almost like they think they were born for greatness. There’s the pressure to overachieve but you don’t know what. Sometimes the parents are sitting back like “we just want you to be a kid and happy” but because the parents are directing their pride and encouragement – like with [your father] and the pressure to do good – I can see where you feel that but I honestly think that because he focused too much on being proud of your successes and not so much on your hobbies and creative side. Maybe then you wouldn’t have felt so much pressure. It caused a lot of confusion in your early development because you felt a lot of pressure but didn’t know what that was. I tried to do the opposite. I focused a lot on your creative side. Remember celebrating your first F? 
> 
> There was a lot more in that talk that I might put on Tumblr but that's the part relevant to this fic. Enjoy and cherish my mom because she's awesome. Also Greg is awesome.


End file.
